As you may have read in our first Part of our Mini-Series, we discussed why men have fear of Long-Term Relationships. In this part, we will be going over why men have this fear and where this fear comes from. We will be covering the topics of building a relationship with yourself, co-dependence vs independence and coming into your masculinity. Let’s get started!
Co-Dependence Vs Independence
If you are intentionally avoiding relationships or commitment, even when you do have an opportunity to settle down, it’s that fear of being tied down. So let’s get a bit deeper. There can be multiple reasons for you feeling this way, but it’s mainly because one or both of the people in the relationship is being independent, rather than co-dependent.
A healthy relationship shouldn’t feel like one person is the ball and chain, neither the other person. A healthy relationship should feel like two people that are on their own separate paths, but yet at the same time know how to give each other enough time to give each other enough space.
Yes, this will require you to start saying no to people that don’t fit this criteria. You become the kind of person in a relationship that you consistently date. If you keep dating people who need validation, that are insecure and clingy, that’s what the relationship will be. Remember, you become what you attract. When you start to reject the ones that you aren’t meant to be with, you can start seeing more opportunities to accept healthy people and relationships in your life.
Getting Into A Relationship With Yourself
If you have the awareness that you are avoiding relationships, that’s a big first step. But what now? Before you get into a relationship, you need to have a great relationship with yourself. This may sound corny, yes. But listen.
If you have years of pain, fear, anger, jealousy or envy in you, you will at some point share that with the other person if you’re still holding it. The key is first is to start healing yourself first.Does that mean you can’t be in a relationship? No. It just means to take things slowly. What you may like to try is meeting people and get comfortable getting to know them on a personal level.
Maybe even connect with them on a personal level and really get to know them. This gives you practice in opening up to people in any area of life, not just relationships. So when the time does come you are emotionally training yourself to become more open to experiences in life.
Learning To Trust Again
If you’ve ever been in a relationship before, it’s almost a guarantee that you’ve been hurt before. Maybe even lied to, cheated on or manipulated. It can be extremely painful. Sometimes getting into another relationship can remind of us of the previous pain that we’ve experienced before, but you can use that to empower you.
Everyone is held accountable for their actions, but unfortunately not everyone is mature enough to accept them. Every person does deserve a chance in their own right, and by holding onto a previous pain will only hold you back. Until you address that pain and learn to let it go, it will control you not just with love, but all areas of life. The best way to gain trust again is to take it slowly and open up to them slowly and at your own pace. You can also practice this by meeting new people and building great relationships with them. Remember, one step at a time.
Author: © Mark Mayhew 2017 (All rights reserved)